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Food for Thought 2/3 - Jasper/Edward
Title: Food for Thought
Author: iridian_skin
Rating: R
Pairing: Jasper/Edward
Genre: Angst, humor, romance
Warnings: Violence, language, sexual content
Length: 5400 words, 3 chapters
Summary: Jasper could recall the time he himself had come across what Edward so lamely called his ‘personal brand of heroin’. It had been a chance encounter in the dark streets of Austin, Texas, and there had been a very simple, very efficient conclusion to it.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything. I only play.

Afternoon Snack

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Alice whispered. “This is so wrong.”

“Hand me that mug on the counter,” said Jasper. “The one that says ‘World’s Greatest Dad’. I bet it’s Edward's Christmas present to Carlisle.”

They snickered nervously.

“How do these things open?” Jasper pondered. “Do we need scissors?”

“I think it’s designed to be plugged in…somewhere. You probably shouldn’t use scissors. It might make a mess.”

Jasper examined the bag with a slight frown and held out his hand. “Scissors, please,” he said.

Alice bit her lip, rummaged through the kitchen drawer, and produced a pair of scissors. She held them gingerly in her hand and said: “We are going to get caught in about two minutes, you know. And Edward and Esme will be so mad.”

“I don’t wish to speak ill of Esme, whom I respect and adore, but Edward can go fuck himself.” Jasper took the scissors and snipped them victoriously in the air. “This is going to be good. I can’t believe we haven’t done this before.”

“Please be careful,” Alice said. “Don’t spill it. I’m so ashamed already.”

“Don’t worry, doll,” Jasper murmured and punctured a tiny hole in the plastic. “Got hands of steel.”

The first drop of thick red liquid fell into the mug, and instinctively they leaned in, absorbed by the sight.

“I don’t smell much,” Alice whispered.

“We need to warm it up,” said Jasper. “It’s very cold.”

He filled the mug slowly, staring at it with fascination. Alice stepped closer. Their faces were reflected in the surface of the blood, Alice’s mouth a little open and a look of wonder and apprehension in her eyes, Jasper’s face full of happiness and excitement.

“We have to microwave it,” he said. “That’s how they do it in Angel.”

Alice made to take the mug from his hands, but Jasper held it protectively against his chest and said: “You can open the oven door. I’ll put it in. We need to be extremely careful.”

Once the mug was safely inside the device and temperature and cooking time had been decided, Jasper set the oven on. They watched intently as the mug made its slow turns.

“We don’t want it to overheat,” Jasper whispered. “Maybe ten seconds more?”

Alice nodded. When she opened the oven door, the scent of the warm drink hit them in the face. Alice made a keening sound, and Jasper had to take a step back. Could this be enough? Maybe they shouldn’t be doing this at all.

“I’m a little scared,” Alice said and pressed her back against the kitchen counter. “This is so, so wrong. And we have about thirty seconds.”

Jasper braced himself. “Look, it’s okay. We go to school. This stuff is pumping fresh and warm around us, all day every day. It’s just a mug. Carlisle’s stupid mug.”

He reached inside the microwave and grabbed the mug. Then he took a deep breath, and a lazy smile began to spread across his face.

“Oh, this is good. O neg. A classic. I’m going to taste it now. Yes. Here goes.”

Alice squeaked.

“Don’t worry, baby. Daddy’s got everything under control.” And Jasper drank from the mug.

He didn’t say anything for a while.

His eyes were closed, and his face expressed almost pure wonder. Then Jasper opened his eyes and smiled at Alice, and the dark red on his lips and teeth somewhat tainted that look of innocence.

“I’m extremely turned on but also completely satisfied at the same time,” he said. “I’m going to have another sip.”

And he did.

“Oh yes. Oh yes. Yes. If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right,” he told the mug.

“Should I give you two some privacy?” said Alice, annoyed.

“Maybe later. Are you sure you don’t want to try?”

Alice was saved from the predicament of making up her mind by a horrified gasp at the door. It was Edward, staring at them with a look of utter disbelief.

“Stay back, Bella,” he said sharply to his girlfriend who was trying to peek inside the kitchen. “Don’t come in. I don’t want you to see the depravity that's going on in here.”

He stepped inside and looked Jasper with such anger it made Alice shrink even further against the counter.

“Edward, Betty,” Jasper said politely. He turned a little to protect the mug from Edward, and then he quickly finished what was left of the forbidden beverage, grinned, and sighed contentedly.

Edward pressed his hands over his nose and mouth with a look of panic in his eyes.

“Stop breathing at me,” he bellowed through his hands. “I can’t believe what you’ve done! Do you have any idea how dangerous this is?”

Jasper snickered. “Fuck off. I can’t even begin to address the irony of that coming from you.”

Edward scowled and turned to Alice. “I could expect this from him, but you? Alice, how could you let him talk you into this?”

Embarrassed, Alice fingered the hem of her skirt. “I don’t know,” she said with a small voice. “I guess I was tempted. It comes in a bag, you know.”

“That’s right,” said Jasper. “People give it away all the time, of their own free will. Where’s the harm in occasionally procuring a bag or two, for, say, every day of the week?”

“He’s right, you know”, Edward’s mortal girlfriend piped up. “People do donate blood. I’ve done it a few times.”

There was a moment’s silence during which Jasper and Alice eyed her speculatively.

Edward said stiffly: “Please don’t encourage him any further. There’s nothing right about what’s happening here.”

“Ask not what you can do for your fellow man, but what your fellow man can do for you,” said Jasper.

Edward stared at him, and his fingers twitched. “Your willful ignorance is painful to observe. Very painful.”

“Sorry,” said Jasper and giggled. The room went quiet.

“I have a massive hard-on,” he told them. “It’s best to just say it, because I know you’re going to notice it anyway and that would be awkward.”

Edward was desperately looking everywhere but at Jasper.

“Yes, thank you ever so much for pointing it out,” he said miserably. “That really helps. Bella, stay back!”

The girlfriend drew back after stealing an interested look at Jasper, who sighed and scratched his abdomen absentmindedly.

“Esme’s coming,” said Alice. “This won’t be pleasant.”

Moments later Esme was standing dumbstruck in the kitchen, hands pressed to her face, the contains of her purse scattered on the kitchen floor.

“Oh my God,” she said.

“Jasper did it,” said Edward. “It’s all his fault.”

“I have no regrets,” Jasper told them and looked a little guilty, and then he laughed and laughed.

Esme stepped closer, attempting to ignore the cup in Jasper’s hand, and peered into his eyes.

“Jasper? Are you high?”

“I think so, ma’am,” he said sheepishly.

“He has an erection, too,” noted Edward’s girlfriend. Edward looked at her indignantly.

“I’m not quite used to the effects,” Jasper said in his defense. “It’s been too long. Far, far too long. Never again shall we part, my darling.”

And he looked at the mug with such love that Edward’s fingers twitched again.

“Enough of that now,” said Esme sharply. “This is unacceptable.”

Jasper held the mug closer to his chest and said: “No.”

Esme frowned. Edward growled. Alice twitched nervously. Edward’s girlfriend inched slowly into the kitchen.

“Today, I’m taking a stand,” said Jasper. “I mean, what the fuck? Carlisle is a doctor, am I right? Why won’t he get us this stuff?”

“For one thing, I hardly think he could explain why Forks, Washington would suddenly require vast amounts of plasma,” Esme said dryly.

Jasper shrugged.

“It’s just a matter of arrangement. In any case, I feel bad for all the animals we kill. I want to live in harmony with the nature, and, you know, embrace it. Be one with it. Hug trees. And how long do you think they’ll last, all those bears? Do we just move on once we’ve cleaned everything within five hundred miles?”

Esme cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“Why don’t we talk about this later. Jasper, I really must ask you to get rid of that blood.”

“I suppose I have to,” Jasper said sadly. “By the way, Mother Esme, I’m sorry, but that prom thing didn’t work out.”

“Oh? What happened?”

“I gave it my best shot, I really did. But the others didn’t like my ideas. I suggested that this year’s theme would be Enchantment at the Cotton Plantation, with the school as the plantation house and little huts in the parking lot to represent where the-- er, the African-Americans--”

“Yes, I understand,” said Esme hurriedly. “I’m sorry, dear. It sounds like it would have been a wonderful idea.”

“Whatever,” said Jasper a little bitterly. “I’m not going to the prom anyway, so screw it.”

“Oh dear. Well…Maybe we could arrange your prom at home?”

Edward scowled. “Esme, I cannot believe you would let this Southern baboon throw his crude party at our home. I simply cannot abide it.”

“I don’t even want to,” said Jasper. “Well, not anymore, at least. So fuck you, Edward.”

“And get rid of that mug already!” Edward snapped. “Esme, make him stop doing things!”

He dared to take a closer look at the threatening cup in Jasper’s hand, and his eyes widened in dismay.

“That’s Carlisle’s mug. I can’t believe you took it. I have no words for your disrespect.”

“You’re a sad little man,” said Jasper, and the look on his face promised that Edward was about to hear many more truths, but Esme cut in.

“Now, really,” she said exasperatedly. “Stop quarreling. We have a guest in the house. Bella, I’m sorry you had to see this.”

Edward apologized. Jasper shrugged.

Esme gave him a stern look. “Jasper, please remove these…items from the house. And clean the mug.”

“Carlisle doesn’t even use it,” he said defiantly.

“Yes, he does!”

“No, he doesn’t, you douchebag.”

“That’s not a nice thing to say, Jasper,” said Alice. “You will hurt Edward’s feelings in the near future.”

Jasper looked victorious, and Edward blushed angrily.

“Okay, I’m going,” said Jasper. “I’ll clear the area. Don’t worry. Ladies, I apologize for my erection. Please take it as a compliment. And Edward, screw you.”

Ever the gentleman, he bowed to each of the women, even Edward’s girlfriend, who looked startled and pleased. Then he snatched the blood bag and sprinted from the room. The others heard him cackle as he ran across the lawn and vanished into the woods.

Esme sighed and began to gather her things back inside the purse. Edward glanced at Alice. “Is he going to…?” he said miserably, not wanting to know but unable to stop himself asking.

Alice nodded and laughed a little. “Yes. But he won’t see any people out there. It’s going to be fine.”

Suddenly her expression changed, and she looked at Edward with narrowed and angry eyes.

“You, on the other hand. You I won’t forgive anytime soon.”

Edward stared at her, not understanding.

“You really need to show better restraint,” Alice hissed and strode from the room.

“What did she mean by that?” asked Edward’s girlfriend.

“I don’t know”, said Edward thoughtfully. “Maybe I’m going to murder Jasper. I often think of it. I’m thinking of it right now, actually. But let’s go to my room. I want to show you my stamp collection. It has several very rare and very old items, I’m sure it will interest you a great deal.”

Chapter Two

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Oh Jesus!

I haven't laughed this much in a really long time.
Oh. OH. ::wipes tears::

Alright, then. Ahem.
Off to read the next one :D

Hehe, thanks! :D Glad you liked! I had fun writing that. This story kind of springs from certain kind of frustration I feel towards the canon...but maybe nuff said about that. :) And I do love Jasper so. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the third part!

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